i refuz to micr0-blogz onz my tweetr accont! i sHallz not suckumb 2 s0cial noRm & po5t my tots on iT! iT iS a lAmE attemtp 2 mke urself int3restin. NEVA!
Darn. I think I went over the 140 char limit.
Linguistic Analysis of Miss Singapore World 2009 September 17, 2009
It’s been a while since I last posted, so I’d thought I’d scribble some thoughts down about the Miss Singapore World scandal.
Sex scandal? Hell no, everyone’s been poking fun at her command of English! Or lack thereof. So I decided to put together some points that actually defend our representative in Miss World this year. So here goes…
The English that Miss Singapore taught me:
“…Currently I’m majoring in my Diploma in Health Science, Hospititality and Travel Tourism…”
Hospiti-tality: The course of study in which amalgamates the disciplines of both health-care and hospitality. We could all make do with nurses with better manners.
“…Right now I’m studying steel…”
Steel: Showing resilience and focus at the task at hand. When Miss World mentions that she is “studying steel”, she is basically implying that she takes her studies seriously despite participating in the competition.
“if I’m feeling naughty, I’ll wear something Rad..”
Rad: An uncommon color in located 3/4 between Red and Maroon. The closest web-safe color is #990033, any closer to this color will cause your monitor to explode because it’s too loud. The color is coined ‘Rad’ because of it’s outlandish and radical appeal that no one would wear it except those with questionable fashion sense or are crown Miss World.
“…Something… you know? BOOMZ!..”
Boomz: something jaw-dropping, loud and attention-seeking/catching. Boomz is used here as opposed to Pew Pew Pew; which would mean she would rather make your heart explode than zap your eyes out. Notice the “z” added in at the end of the word for effect? This was included because Miss Singapore knows the worldwide appeal of the crown, and was subtly speaking out to the Internet Generation. Boomz indeed.
“…I’m a huge fan of South Africa… I love safari.. I love leopard prings… “
Prings: Any self-respecting Miss World would know; saying “leopard prints” would in some cases imply that she would approve of the skinning of leopards for just their coat of fur. This is a big PR no-no in the glamor community. This practice is inhumane. The cats should be also eaten after the skinning so that none go to waste!
Knowing this, Miss Singapore took the time to endorse Prings™; a much more conscientious effort to save our printed cats! Prings™ material is fully synthetic, except for the part that is the coat of fur. For more information go to www.prings.com.sg
Ok, That’s it from me, let’s just hope that Miss Singapore World gets to the Q&A portion of the competition. It’s not like she would say “World Piss” like the rest of them would she?
Don’t Ply with my Heart December 6, 2008
There are hella lot of conveniences in Japan, the bathroom itself is a technological treasure cove examplar of Japanese innovation. You have advanced water heaters and taps, clapper and sensor lights and even the mighty potty helper to aid you in your most intimate of bathroom adventures! This beauty will shoot jet streams of water in dark locations the sun don’t shine and even warm the seat for you on those long winter days.
Yet despite all these brilliant gadget wizardry, I still haven’t got used to one thing since I came here; the dreaded 1-Ply toilet paper!
In Singapore, even the most run-down restrooms come equiped with at least 2-Ply toilet paper as standard health issue tissue (S.H.I.T.). Here, I seem to have to murder people to get toilet paper that offers more than a wafer-thin layer between my hand and doo-doo.
I hope I don’t blow up the matter; I know the Japanese are very eco-friendly and the amount saved from issuing another ply of toilet paper will go a long way to keep some trees from being cut down. But consider this; every time I ‘make a mess’ due to the lack of absorbancy or durability, I need to use much more TP to clean up the deed. (S.H.I.T. happens ok?)
I’m not asking for much, 3-Ply and 4-Ply TP is too extravagant for everyone; its more or less reserved for celebrities or the rich with pampered backsides. Probably for someone who has golden bathroom taps too. 2-Ply is just right… not too flashy, but doesn’t lack the industrial strength needed for certain operations.
The bottom-line is I don’t want to feel like the Incredible Hulk tearing apart the street every single time I go to the bathroom for doo-doo time.
My next rant: Why is there only thick toast in Japan? I want my thin-sliced Gardenia!!
Chakra Manipulation 101 November 23, 2008
I’m an anomaly.
Ok, that statement is not really true as everyone is an anomaly. Each one of us is made special and different right? Some of us can fly, others have indestructable bodies and some even can absorb other people’s powers. Oh wait, I’ve just exposed Heroes’ paper-thin premise! Just add in a momma-whos-so-fat-that-she-blots-out-the-sun-in-a-solar-eclipse, a crazy indian doctor, shake, and hey presto! Instant bankroll of viewer and advertisment cash!
Shallow shows aside (it’s still my TV sin to watch it), it seems I’ve been gifted with +10 frost resistance to my skin. Although I would have traded that for more beautiful skin or even diamond skin! Badassery indeed.
Winter’s almost here in Kumamoto, although it will be very unlikely hitting below 0, everyones donning their coats, jackets scarves and Hello Kitty earmuffs to combat nature’s brainfreeze. Well all except me; I’m still caught wearing my tropical shenenigans, t-shirts et all.
So, inevitably I was round-table questioned by my peers why my fashion sense is so remarkable; was it cause I have thermo-packs strapped to my body? Or is it cos I’m a living fur patch; a forest of folicles that defies scientific explaination?
I told them none of the above. Its Chakra Manipulation. *gasp!* By controlling the natural fire-element chakra I have within myself, I distribute enough warmth to the extremities of my being to combat the cold. It takes a couple months of practice to begin regulating the chakra flow within your body but once you got it; its a snitch. Although you’re outta luck if you’re born with water-element chakra; you’ll have more fun at Sunway Lagoon on a hot summer’s day. I’m not gifted as a ninja enough to successfully start casting Katon-based jutsu, but I’m trying!
Curious to know what my thermotic gift’s upper and lower threshold is, I found out I survive in temperatures from 8 to 43 degrees without any aid. This was tested in the showers of course; the de facto standard of temperature control.
Check up on me in a few months, who knows?
I may start chucking fireballs.
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